Review: Amazing Ally

Amazing Ally is still out there, and she wants her yellow tights.

Run for the hills! Amazing Ally is now a defunct line of dolls that first came to my attention in an Argos catalogue listed as ‘a doll with over 20,000 phrases’. 20,000! I don’t even know 20,000 phrases. Then one day, a brown package arrives containing a second hand Amazing Ally. Luckily she didn’t send herself, ex-housemate (emigrated, not dead at the hands of Ally) had ordered her off of Ebay. Ally really is the stuff of nightmares. Once unpackaged she kept going on about wanting her yellow tights – which didn’t come with her. This made Ally angry. Ally talks to you, she knows what you’re doing, she interacts and she clearly wants to kill you. Scariest of all, she is self sustaining. I’m still haunted by “My batteries are low. Please change my TRIPLE A batteries.” Families seriously let this thing loose on their daughters? She probably became their daughters! Like a cross between Chuckie, the robot kid from the film A.I. and a real girl that grows up to be Myra Hindley; let Amazing Ally be a warning to us all. Sometimes, science and toys can go too far…

Holy mother of god save us all.