Underwater city? Check. Zombified girls that drain and drink bodily fluids from dead people? Check. These games had all the right ingredients to make me love them, and indeed I do a little bit. The story, gameplay and setting in both games are excellent. However I don’t love them completely because they feel like dated games. Even the first when it was released felt dated and the latest feels even worse. There are two reasons for this, first the graphics look dated, second both games feel like glorified tunnel shooters. Granted you’re under water so this kinda makes sense, but I can’t help but feel a little claustrophobic in an environment held back by the game engine. Compare this with Dead Space for example. Dead Space’s game world was far grander, far freer and just gelled better with me. I can’t help but compare to Fallout 3 which is without doubt a better, ‘current generation’ game engine as vast as I have come to expect. Bioshock, you were great while I played you but you are ultimately slightly unsatisfying and largely overrated with a huge dollop of wasted opportunity.
Can’t wait to get off my face and club it up to this song like a dirty wild bitch on heat. Or something along those lines. Best song of the year so far, just ahead of Wear My Kiss by Sugababes, Rube Boy by Rihanna and Telephone by Lady Gaga ft Beyoncé.
Sometimes you have a slice of toast with butter on it that just tastes heavenly
I like to think that toast with butter on was the original ‘best thing since sliced bread’. If not, it must have been pretty darn close. At first you wouldn’t expect a bit of toasted bread with a spread of butter on it to be one of the best tastes in the world, but sometimes it is. A bit like a good cup of tea. Sometimes you have a slice of toast with butter on it that just tastes heavenly. For this reason, toast with butter on it receives top marks.
About a year ago I took out contents insurance with Endsleigh, reportedly one of the UK’s top insurance companies. They aren’t cheap either, reassuring me at the time that they were a good company to trust with my insurance. As part of that I added mobile insurance for my iPhone at around £6 a month. While on holiday in Australia I lost my phone, but as I was travelling where there were no phones or phone signals for most of the time, I only had the opportunity to email O2 to put a hold on my account. Of course, it was made even more difficult by the fact I HAD LOST MY PHONE to phone Endsleigh. On returning to the UK, I called them immediately to tell them. I was then told I can only make a claim if I call them within 24 hours of losing my phone having already reported it to the police. Now, either I’m going a bit over-the-top or this is a completely stupid policy created by con artists, not a respectable insurance company. Firstly, why would I phone the police and waste their time when I know I had lost it, not had it stolen. Secondly, why should I have to do this within 24 hours? It’s ridiculous. What if I had been mugged and knocked unconscious for 25 hours, what would I have done then? Evidently I am wasting my £70 a month on contents insurance with them, will be cancelling my policy tomorrow and switching to a cheaper, more trust worthy company. I cannot pay a company that operates such a mind numbingly idiotic policy. I highly recommend you just take out your mobile insurance with your operator, it removes all of this nonsense.
I just got back from a short two week holiday in Australia. Here are some points on Australia as a holiday destination:
The sun can give you a tan and make you feel good while simultaneously giving you serious burns and killing the hell out of you with cancer.
The adverts are lies, it isn’t always sunny in Australia, it rains a lot.
Sydney Opera House and the harbour bridge are very impressive, but they are the only two landmarks in the whole of Australia.
Most Australians are extremely friendly, some are extremely unfriendly (especially the majority of the miserable little bitches that work at tourist information centres).
There’s an odd aggressive Australian fanaticism about the country.
Thousands of giant bats fly around Sydney every day.
Thousands of drag queens fly around Sydney every day.
Cockatoos are as common as pigeons are in the UK. They are also twice the size, loud and bolshy.
Evidence: angry cockatoo
Kangaroos, platypus, koalas and especially bandicoots are ultra cute.
Poisonous spiders and jellyfish are everywhere and can kill you in 15 minutes. Sharks aren’t everywhere but they are still there in Australia.
Australia’s public transport is shit, but if you say that to anyone you will be shouted at.
Sydney Mardi Gras is amazing as is Sydney’s bars and clubs.
There are a lot of extremely fit, good looking people in Australia. Particularly the ones on the beaches.
There are lots of amazing beaches. Which is great for perving on the aforementioned hotties.
Internet is rubbish in Australia.
Food is awesome in Australia.
You will feel like you have walked into an episode of Neighbours.
The Blue Mountains and especially the Whitsunday islands are lovely.
Australia has lots of chocolate cafes that serve chocolate in all its varieties alongside a cup of tea – this is incredible.
To prove he 'gives a shit' and is out 'fixing' Broken Britain, David Cameron likes having pictures of himself taken at schools. Luckily with plenty of cameras in tow to capture him fixing things.
Attention seeking media darling David Cameron’s favourite phrase is “Broken Britain”. So much so that if you type Broken Britain into Google two suggested results that include David Cameron in it come up before you even hit the search button. There is a vital flaw to this catch phrase though: Britain is not broken. In fact, as far as I can tell Britain is still pretty bloody brilliant. If you were to put us in a pile of smartphones, we’d be an iPhone. Yes we’ve been hit by a recession, but given it’s the ‘biggest recession known to man, god and other such deities’, I suddenly find myself practically looking forward to normal sized recessions in future. They’ll be a right old laugh! Read More…
There I was just a walkin’ down the street. When what do I see but a pile of books with a note saying “take them”. I took the one that looked most boring and therefore most likely to be good, All The Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy. Had no idea who he was but the quotes from The Guardian and The Telegraph made it sound good. Anyway, it looked SO boring that I didn’t read it for months until pissed at my New Years Eve house party I was told by a lovely Aussie that it was the same author of The Road, the post apocalypse film starring Viggo Mortensen. I read it and it was very good. That is all.
I’m not being funny, but the Channel 4 production of ‘Mo‘ was fantastic. Julie Walters is captivating and the programme turned me into an emotional wreck throughout. Some films leave a lasting impact on you for life and this is certainly one of them.
The big news on Wednesday 27th of January 2010 was that Apple’s new iPad would have borders the width of one human male. The world looked on in horror as a man demonstrated live on stage that no, the width wasn’t a deception, the iPad’s borders genuinely were the same width as his upper chest. He later stated that “Apple are working on a border the size of my entire arm span” before lifting his arms to show scale. Many people in London actually went to hospital after violently recoiling in disgust that Apple had failed to make something that looked better than the HP / Microsoft Slate. Here at Dead Tomorrow towers we’ll be waiting for iPad NoBS (no borders version, set for release as soon as possible please).
Every now and then a book comes into my life that’s a little bit special. I love sci-fi and fantasy stories – if I’m going to read a story I want it to not be about every day life – so it’s strange I’ve gone so long without reading Dune, especially as I loved dodgy 80’s film Tremors which, in hindsight, totally rips off Dune. What I love about Dune is that it feels real, like it could happen, but it’s obviously so far removed from real-life that it’s a genuine fantasy. Totally believable, dry but exciting. Wormalicious.
It physically pains me to write this, I’m actually holding back the urge to self-harm as I type, but The Daily Mail TV & Showbiz site is amazing. It took this section of The Daily Mail to make me realise what’s so good about the entire publication: it’s bloody hilarious! The articles are all massively long with HUGE pictures and loads of videos. It’s everything you wish Heatworld was and then some. Just look at the above story written “By Daily Mail Reporter”. Hilarious!
Assassin’s Creed 2 is one of the best entertainment experiences in the world, better than Avatar, and not just because you get to mingle with Venetian prostitutes. I’ve told people this and yet they still haven’t and will never play it. There really is an entire group of people in this world who miss out on the most amazing experiences available to them. I don’t understand why anyone would do this. Crazy town. Read More…
Bayonetta, the character you play in a new game on XBox 360 and PS3, looks like a butch lesbian come strict maths teacher. This combination leaves you really not wanting her to take her clothes off in public yet she strips her leather clad ass all the time. That aside, the style and concept behind Bayonetta is outstanding, original, funny and addictive. I love the style and concept. However, it has fast become the most overrated pile of old tosh I’ve played in a long time. Read More…
Will they never learn?! Only death of the human race awaits with these creations. The stupid woman is even antagonises the thing at the start! It won’t forget that push woman. Ony day it’s going to come back to push you shortly before ripping your head off.
It’s come to my attention that many people doubt The Gaga. The reason for this is clearly that they aren’t paying her enough attention and think she’s “a new Britney” or “another Christina”. She’s a whole new musical monster altogether. Glastonbury this year will be remembered for one thing:
I loved Glastonbury for the moment before this performance when Lady Gaga clearly realises that she is the fuck off biggest act on the planet right now. People love her because of her love of performance and talent. Doubters? Boo. You’ll learn by watching the Glastonbury gig.
Hello DeadTomorrow readers. Long time, no? It took Ciara’s jigglin’ hips to get us back on here to write reviews for you. I saw Ciara jigglin’ at Heaven and at the crap Britney concert the other week. Ciara is actually an amazing singer and dancer, but that jigglin’ just don’t stop. She’s so aggressive and perfect at dancing it’s scary. I dread to think what she’d be like in bed – no man would survive!
What do you think of the jigglin’? You can leave reviews in the comments now too!
